Monthly Archives: July 2015

Editorial: Newgrounds vs. Greenlight

Metal Gear Awesome from

Metal Gear Awesome from

num XXX[10] = 000, 001, 002, 003, 004, 005, 006,  007, 008, 009, 010

num yearUserIsThinkingAbout

string newGrounds = “Amazing and useful!”

string steamGreenlight = “Absolute Shit!”

string userFavoriteScumlordDev


input yearUserIsThinkingAbout

output “The year was 2”, XXX[yearUserIsThinkingAbout], “. A thriving community of Flash artists and amateur game designers found their home at a website called”

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Video: The Lost is a Douche

Five Nights at Freddy’s 4: First Impressions

2015-07-24 10_02_09-Five Nights at Freddy's 4

Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 exists months earlier than expected, but it would’ve been worth the wait. This game, this experience, is the most brutally frightening entertainment media I’ve ever endured.

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Give a Shot: Phantom Breaker Battle Grounds

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Who are these people, rushing me in waves from all sides? How have I earned their ire, the copper-tasting smack of pipe across my face? Even as I mow them bloodlessly down, I struggle to understand their fury. It’s good, in the face of their violence, I’ve brought my cute jacket and scarf combo along for the ride. And a blazing magical blade, of course.

So, here’s what’s going to happen. WordPress managed to eat my post about the 2D beat ’em up Phantom Breaker Battle Grounds. I spent a few hours writing up the review, and am completely not in the mood to rewrite the entire thing piece by piece.

So let’s try something different. More brief.

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Gather ‘Round and Marvel At: Darkest Dungeon


A spicy old hat for RPG fans

The carriage wheels clatter along what might once have been a regal path en route to the old hamlet. My companion, a noble crusader of the cloth, rests silently with sword on lap, his armor clinking now and again. A warm, rotten smell lingers over this part of the woods, a gift from the decaying earth and the newly dead.

We embark, hopeful and energized to test ourselves, to the sound of muck-encrusted steps. Brigands, brought to the hamlet no doubt by the rush of adventure-seekers and easy loot, flood from between the trees. My pistol and my companion stand ready. Within minutes we’ve watered the old road with their blood; only the weak would stick to the outskirts in this way.

Within a week, my injuries have begun to mount. The dark jokes of the jester traveling with us now have gone sour to my ears. Flashes of the indoctrinated peek between my eyelids, waking or sleeping. I can’t remember what the sky looked like. Not without the shadows of the interdimensional horrors looming beneath it. Not without the sun’s rays smothered in smog.

I’ve grown tired of telling you my tale. Begone and let me bleed in peace.

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Gather ‘Round and Marvel At: Starbot


This. You. Play.

I awake somewhere I’ve been forever, if ever I’ve been.

A woman looks down upon me, kind-faced, but I don’t know how to tell her so, or even what that means. She seems important, though. Her voice seems familiar, at least.

She loves me, but I don’t know what that is. But she IS important.

Starbot is better than A.I. and, though I may lose film-snob cred for this, I kind of like A.I. Here we have a brief, simplistic RPGMaker game that encapsulates what it means to be a new consciousness in a strange world, growing by leaps and bounds as our programming (read: Instincts) are expanded bit by bit, to create something approximating a human being.

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Update: So Glad That’s Over, Isaac…


I did it. It took forever and was completely not worth it, but I filled out The Lost’s notecard by beating all the bosses and the boss rush. I even threw in a win over Mega-Satan.

The Binding of Isaac might be my favorite indie game of all time, and I’m pumped for Afterbirth, but I have a lot to say concerning The Lost. Expect a video in the next little bit, but for now, I’m just reveling in the sweetness of victory.

Gather ‘Round and Avoid: Sage Fusion

Come for the visuals, stay for the sleeping aid

Blaster bolts scorch past me and burst into schizoid fireflies against the wall. Safety only barely exists behind cover, but the enemy closes in even as I suck down adrenaline-flavored breaths. Why I brought a sword to this battle I never will understand.

I’m ready to pivot around the corner as the enemy approaches. Florence’s rail cannon glimmers, locked and loaded. Their steps clap closer. We cannot avoid this fight.

Welcome to the world of Sage Fusion, a hybrid RPG/visual novel that entrances with delightful visuals and thumping music before trundling headlong off a cliff composed of exposition and blank expressions. Chapter one is free at GameJolt, but the second chapter is for sale over at Itch.

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